I’m not a generally happy person. That’s ok! There’s a general misconception that not happy = sad. It’s so much more than that.
I work a day job from 9–6 that doesn’t value me and is more than likely going to fire me by the end of this month. That’s ok!
I’m a pretty good comic (it’s taken me a lot of time to say this and really believe it) that doesn’t have much of a career in place. That’s ok!
I am, for the most part, pretty lonely and have a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s ok!
Maybe I’m a little different, but I doubt it. Most people see my general demeanor and feel like it’s their responsibility to try and build me up and make me believe it gets better. This is where I get upset. Intrinsically, I know that everything is going to work out, it always does. I don’t mind the struggle, I don’t even mind being undervalued and underappreciated, it’s the process!v What I’m tired of hearing is people approaching me with solutions that I’m not asking for.
Look, I know most people come from a place of meaning well when they say “just keep plugging away,” or, “things aren’t that bad, it could always be worse!” Yes, I know, but that’s not what I’m asking for. In fact, I don’t remember asking for help or opinions. Not to sound hopeless here, but sometimes I want to sit in my own shit. It’s not my intention to make it my life, but I can accept when things aren’t going well and I can take that for what it is. Not everyone needs someone to fix them, and not everyone needs to tell me these things I don’t want to hear ever again:
Ok, maybe. But if I show you something that says I’m gonna be terminated from my job on a certain date, trust me, I’m not overexaggerating. Let me be angry, let me be sad, but please don’t tell invalidate those feelings by telling me I’m “overexaggerating” because even if I am, you’re being a dick by telling me so.
“Other people are dealing with this too!”
Great, it must suck for them too. There’s no glory in “grinding” and “hustling” it is what it is: a grind and a hustle. Sure, other people are frustrated, slighted, and looked over, but that’s not encouraging. If anything, it further cements the idea that we’re collectively, not going to make it.
“You’ve got to get over it”
Do I? From where I’m standing, focusing on a problem that I can’t fix is at the very least, a way to motivate myself to do something, fucking anything. Let me ride the high of bashing someone else’s success to try and create my own. I know I’m stubborn, but fuck, let me be mad for a little bit.
I know. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can work a room, and honestly, I don’t need a fancy TV credit (but I’d like one) or some kind of production deal (I’d really like one) to prove that. I chose to go into a form of entertainment that has no defined career path and I honestly don’t feel like I need some cool credit behind my name to validate my jokes (this has taken a lot of time to come to terms with).
“She’s just not that into you”
Ok, maybe I should listen to this one.